Clearing out my social media

Recently I have spoken about social media and how it was directly affecting myself. I quickly touched base on how striving for online popularity was impacting my work and social life, however I did not think of how it could be subconsciously influencing me. This post will talk about the indirect ways in which the main social media platforms made me feel about myself in a negative way.

The most obvious one which has been discussed multiple times was the way in which social media makes us feel about our bodies. I do think that following certain people who motivate you to better your body is encouraging, however following every drug and Facetune enhanced body on social media can also be detrimental to your perception of yourself. This is where I considered the attitudes of the people I follow on social media, do they motivate me?

This brings me onto my next point. After considering the above, I realised how many men I followed that would emanate the true meaning of toxic masculinity. I thought, why do I follow these people on social media if I know that I would never be friends with someone like them in real life? Their attitudes would actually make me cringe but I still followed them because why? Because they’re good looking? Give it a rest Dean. The first ones to leave my dashboard were the “straight acting” gay men. An article by Darren Stehle called ‘The Internalised Homophobia of “Straight Acting” Gay Men’ was a very interesting read, its available on Medium.com and worth having a look at. I found that following these individuals made me surpress my ‘femme’ness when I should definitely be embracing it. I have no problem with characters who’s characteristics naturally come off as “straight” as this is the common default in our society. However, with individuals who label themselves as “straight acting” or discourage men to be femme by forcing their lad like nature, this is where I’m jumping ship, sorry lads.

Even though this post is about clearing out my social media, I also decided to completely shift the demographic of who I do follow. Following more LGBTQIA+ activists such as Munroe BergdorfJamie Windust and Kenny Jones has really changed my perspective and has completely inspired me over the past 6 months. I can hold my hands up and say that I used to be a self-absorbed gay who didn’t really think about forwarding the LGBTQ movement, maybe this was because I was naïve as I was one of the least discriminated within the LGBTQ community? This a contrast to now, where I educate myself on all debates that impact any members of the LGBTQIA+ community and try to raise awareness to my following on social media. This may cause certain people to unfollow me but if you don’t support the LGBTQ movement, then in the words of Ariana Grande… Thank u, next.

Peace, Love and Pinot…

Deano x

New Years Resolutions – 2K19 2K Nein Dean

I know it may be a bit early to be thinking about New Years Resolutions, most of us tend to have them, but do we tend to stick to them? This year my resolution was to spend more money on experiences rather than material things. I kind of stuck to this as I did spend more money on experiences, but did not compromise my spending on clothes either. I look back now on my spending and have come to the conclusion that this is what I need to crack down on in 2019.

 

This is where the 2k19 = 2k Nein Dean comes in.

 

This meaning that I need to start telling myself no as I have been draining all my wages on events and items that I generally could not afford. I have currently been living in the short term and not been thinking about long-term investments, but I always tend to think “future Dean can deal with that later”. I love to keep my social calendar full, if I have a free weekend in 2 months time you can be sure that I will be hitting up the group chat ‘ding ding’ planning yet another night out. I would like to say that the reason why I am so busy is because I constantly get FOMO, yet I’m not sure how you can have FOMO with events that I haven’t even planned yet. Being reflective, I need to work on being able to enjoy my own company. I aim do this by working on my sewing and blogging, but in a way that it comes organically rather than overworking myself.

 

In the words of Miss Kylie Jenner – I feel that 2019 is the year of “realising things and realising stuff”. Looking over how my mentality has changed over the past year, I wish to continue to educate myself in certain areas where I my knowledge is a mile wide and an inch deep. Due to the current situation in global politics, for the first time in my life I feel that I want to read more into this. Now I will hold my hands up and admit that I am not familiar enough with this area to be having deep political debates, but hopefully reading more political articles will allow me to be more “woke”. However, on a lighter note, I also want to educate myself on LGBTQIA+ issues, as I feel that there are so many more debates within the community, specifically those affecting Trans/Non-binary groups, which I want to learn more about. I would like to give my bestie Poppy (@poppybottle on insta) a shout out as she has helped me broaden my perceptions within the LGBT community so far, and I cannot wait to continue “realising things and realising stuff” in 2019… as long as it’s queer.

 

To be fair, let’s see how long I can keep this up cause I will probably end up drinking my life away within the next 12 months and will completely forget this blog post. I hope you guys will join me in completely ignoring responsibilities and making poor life choices in 2019.

 

Peace, Love and Pinot

 

Deano xoxo

Why I’m not trying to be an “influencer” anymore.

According to Pixlee, the definition of a social media influencer is “a user on social media who has established credibility in a specific industry. A social media influencer has access to a large audience and can persuade others by virtue of their authenticity and reach”. I feel that the term ‘influencer’ seems a bit pretentious and gives the users a lot more credibility than in reality, I follow multiple influencers on social media however rarely find that their opinions or behaviours affect the decisions that I personally make. I generally follow these influencers mainly for the aesthetics of their content rather than for guidance on how I should live my life.  Maybe this is due to me being naïve as they probably do influence small things that I do like where I may choose to eat, but I feel that when it comes to the content that I produce on social media, I tend to only take inspiration from these users and creating my own take based on my values and preferences e.g. I hate avocados, and I’m not going to go to an avocado restaurant purely because an influencer went there.

The title of this blog seems to be quite hypocritical of me, and if you guys know me in real life, you’ll know that this is pretty much on brand for me. However, I have recently discovered that I am not the kind of person who can keep up the influencer lifestyle whilst still trying to keep a healthy relationship with work and friends etc. I’m not saying that this is not achievable and there are multiple ‘Instagram famous’ people out there who can do this, but I found that I was getting so engrossed in trying to become an influencer that I wasn’t being genuine with the people around me.

How these influencers find time to do washing, cleaning, work and see friends on top of finding time to write blogs, go to events and to keep up their social media bewilders me. I found that trying to keep up with all of this, I was pretty much annoying everyone around me, trying to find the next ‘background’ for my peacocking along with getting my friends to constantly take about 1000 photos of me and hearing ‘ew no I don’t like that one’ repetitively.

I know that this has been said multiple times and I don’t want to sound too preachy, but I found myself constantly doing stuff for the gram which, after having the self realisation, I noticed that most of us millennials do. I found that I was starting to find the things that I am passionate about, and would showcase on social media, was becoming a chore. 

In relation to the above, I was struggling to design and sew new garments to maintain a relevant social media presence whilst being constantly exhausted. Then constantly being exhausted was playing havoc on my mental health, causing my mood to fluctuate and making me even less productive in work, which I registered was starting to take a back seat to my attempt to become a blogger/influencer.

I do pride myself in my work, being a senior engineer in my practice at just the age of 23. I constantly get asked if I’m on work experience which I never know whether to take this as an insult or a compliment. I have invested the past 5 years to get to where I am and realised, that I, an engineer with no higher education qualifications in Journalism or English Writing (as evident in these blogs) is trying to get into a time consuming hobby/second career that mainly involves… writing. 

Therefore, to conclude, I am not trying to be an influencer as I find that I would prefer to invest myself into the relationships and passions that I have grown to love whilst writing blogs/sewing at a pace where I can continue to have a passion for them. I have registered that by forcing myself, becoming an influencer will be unattainable without compromising my; already hectic schedule, geographical location (middle of nowhere) or mental stability. From experience, realistically the mental stability will be the first to go and I need to think which do I need more; my mental health or 100k followers on social media.

Peace, Love and Pinot

Deano xoxo